CHAIRMAN OF THE BOARD:
Leaps tall building in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a locomotive.
Is faster than a speeding bullet.
Walks on water.
Discusses policy with God.
Leaps short buildings in a single bound.
Is more powerful than a switch engine.
Is just as fast as a speeding bullet.
Walks on water if the sea is calm.
Talks with God.
EXECUTIVE VICE PRESIDENT:
Leaps short buildings with a running start and favorable winds.
Is almost as powerful as a switch engine.
Is faster than a speeding BB.
Walks on water in an indoor swimming pool.
Talks with God if special request is approved.
Barely clears a Quonset hut.
Loses tug-of-war with a locomotive.
Can fire a speeding bullet.
Is occasionally addressed by God.
Makes high marks on the wall when trying to leap buildings.
Is run over by locomotive.
Can sometimes handle a gun without inflicting self-injury.
Talks to animals.
Runs into buildings.
Recognizes locomotive two out of three times.
Is not issued ammunition.
Can’t stay afloat with a life preserver.
Talks to walls.
Falls over doorsteps when trying to enter building.
Says “look at the choo-choo”.
Wets him/herself with a water pistol.
Plays in mud puddles.
Mumbles to him/herself.
Lifts buildings and walks under them.
Kicks locomotives off the tracks.
Catches speeding bullets in his/her teeth.
Freezes water with a single glance.
New Job Interview Techniques
Take the prospective employees you are trying to place and put them in a room with only a table and two chairs. Leave them alone for two hours, without any instruction. At the end of that time, go back and see what they are doing.
If they have taken the table apart, put them in Engineering.
If they are counting the butts in the ashtray, assign them to Finance.
If they are waving their arms and talking out loud, send them to Consulting.
If they are talking to the chairs, Personnel is a good spot for them.
If they are wearing green sunglasses and need a haircut, Computer Information Systems is their niche.
If the room has a sweaty odor, perhaps they're destined for the Help Desk.
If they mention what a good price we got for the table and chairs, put them into Purchasing.
If they mention that hardwood furniture DOES NOT come from rainforests,
Public Relations would suit them well.
If they are sleeping, they are Management material.
If they are writing up the experience, send them to the Technical Documents team.
If they don't even look up when you enter the room, assign them to Security.
If they try to tell you it's not as bad as it looks, send them to Marketing.